Between faith and fear

I have waves of anger that come over me now and again.

I have to fight the urge to dwell on these feelings and to let them pass. I’ve been down that road before – it’s what got me into this situation. I have to use new tools and techniques to conquer the feelings of despair, disappointment and anger in a solid job search. It’s painful. I’m a dedicated professional who wishes to excel in different areas. I bring so much more to a job than a set of skills – I’m outgoing and personable, I listen to others rather than just rambling on about me, I respect others around me, and I’m loyal. I possess many soft skills employers are stating they require – emotional intelligence, communication abilities, and leadership.

So, why is this not translating to instant employment? Why are employers passing me over or not even giving me a chance? I have no answers here other than a spiritual one which not all audiences are prepared to receive.

I am a 12-stepper and deep believer in a power greater than myself.

I feel there is a reason for this transition period. It’s been over two months now and I have a much better sense of self than when I started. I realize that I was selfish in my motives and didn’t explore enough of my options. I just leapt at the first credible offer. However, I did a lot research and prayer before I made that decision – I just didn’t speak about it with too many people before I made the decision and leave my current job. The recommendations were mixed, but I had my heart set on it. I felt it was my reward for my hard work. Finally, a high paying job that didn’t sound like it would kill me. It was a big risk and it flopped.

So, many, many applications later – I’ve had two interviews, spoken to a bunch of recruiters and feel a constant swell of fear in my stomach. It’s been two months!!! I’ve never been without a job – I’ve worked since I was 13 years old. Even during my teenage years I went maybe a couple of weeks between gigs, never months.

It’s scary and I can’t let it take over as my main emotion. I have to place trust in a power greater than myself that this will work out and it will be OK. “To have fear is to betray your trust in that higher power” is something I read awhile back. It rings true to me, but isn’t fear required so you make the correct decision? I’m not sure. Fear may be the key to poor decision making. Fearing that I will be out of work for too long may lead me to another poor career choice. However, if I have faith and trust in my higher power that everything will be fine: I should make a better choice when it is presented to me.


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